Accountability

From the time when I was about 16 I was pretty much an independent woman. I had a nice 1988 Chevy Celebrity which got me to and from my job at the YMCA where I worked as a lifeguard making $7.00 an hour. I loved the independence and strove to be in control of my own life as much as possible. Getting my first car made all of this possibility for me. It felt like pure freedom. I could drive wherever I wanted and buy anything I desired (As long as it came from the money I made at work of course). Prior to this I had to ask for pretty much everything.

Since I was 16 I have thrived in my independence. I assume this is mostly because of my personality. I love planning, organizing, and being in control as much as possible. And to be honest, I worked very well for me. But now, things are now longer the way they used to be. I am directly held accountable for almost everything I do. Micah and I combined our bank accounts, so there is somebody to point out when I am spending too much money on fast food, or to ask what was that $20 thing that I just bought off of Amazon. Not only did I feel like marriage was taking away my independence, I also felt like it was taking away my control. I suddenly didn't know exactly where my money was going, or if certain bills were paid the second they came out. I was struggling. I had this whole other person in my life now and it was a huge adjustment.

I have learned that this adjustment has been very beneficial for both of us! Now that I am accountable to more than just myself, I find myself making better choices. I go on less 'splurges' that I would usually feel guilty after. I think more about each thing before I by it. I ask questions such as "Is this necessary?" "How will this benefit my family?" and "Is this actually worth the price?" Most of the time I am an impulse buyer, and Micah is ANYTHING but. He will look at multiple different stores, and even check the prices on Amazon before buying things I wouldn't think 2x about. It has turned out to be such a blessing! Here are a few tips that I use to help embrace this new change and transition into being accountable to more than just myself.

1.  Use https://www.mint.com/  It is budgeting website that connects to your bank account. You can see where all your money is going and in what categories that you are spending the most in. We set up our budget together, and being able to see where everything is going helps me SO much with my control issues.

2. Share the responsibility. Something that has really helped my in the transitioning process is that no one person is in charge of everything. For example, Micah takes care of the internet bill and the rent, while I take care of the electric bill and the cell phones. This has helped me by letting me have important roles as well. He can trust me to do my part, and I can trust him to do his. (I can even check mint to see if it's been done instead of nagging ;-) ...) I have an active role, and I love it!

3. Communicate! I can't emphasize this more! Every time I am feeling anxious or stressed about something I talk to Micah and get a reality check. There are TWO people handling things now, It will be ok.

4. Be equal partners, but understand your roles.  I am a firm believe that marriage requires equality and partnership, but that doesn't mean you are without roles. And by NO WAY are the male/female roles the same in every marriage. Sit down and talk with your spouse about what those roles are, how often they changes, and how strict they are. I swear it does wonders. :-)


These are some things that work for us. Every couple is different and I am still very new at this and learning more and more each day!